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May 15, 2002

:: ...and ladies... ::

As some of you have heard, Davezilla and I have been working on some tools to help you in your mating-and-dating life. We figured sometimes the sexes don't communicate quite as well as they should. So herewith, we present a little something for the ladies. [The gentlemen's counterpart can be found here.]

Part Two: Men's Glossary

Conceived and written by Davezilla

Whatever

1. So? I can’t do anything about it
2. You’re boring as Hell.
3. Shut up, the Man Show is on!

Fine

1. Yeah umm... I can’t think of anything to say in this situation.
2. Yes, your hideous little sister can go to the movies with us. But she pays her own way.
3. I’m going to drink out of every single container in the kitchen when you’re asleep and leave some backwash.

What do you want to do?

1. I’m going to sleep through it anyway.
2. We’re only seeing that stupid musical if it has some tits.
3. I don’t care. Your friend is tagging along and she bends over a lot.

Is that what you’re wearing?

1. I thought you had the ability to discern our Earth colors.
2. I see. It conveniently hides your stretch marks.
3. Great. I’m dating a Potato Bug with heels.

I’m happy as long as you are

1. I have beer.
2. The new issue of Tail Ends came in today.
3. I can see your nipples through that shirt.

How’s your mother?

1. Isn’t she dead yet, and why not?
2. I ate cheap, Mexican food today. I’m going to sit next to her.
3. If you turn into that Velociraptor when you’re her age, I’ll have you put down. Not a court in the land would dare convict me.

Let’s just be friends

1. Your best friend has a nicer rack.
2. You are so lame in bed, I thought I was committing necrophilia.
3. You’re... a girl?

I love you

1. You’re sensitive, caring, beautiful and don’t fuck with my tools.
2. I like thongs. You wear thongs. And that’s a good, good thing.
3. You’re the first chick who didn’t slap me when I tried that. Cool.