Happy V.D.!

That’s right, folks. It’s time for that simpering, odious Hallmark-brand holiday again. That special day when couples smugly trot through town showing off, or break up in a flurry of clothing flying out windows. That day when single folk are made to feel like cloven-hooved monsters for not having found a suitable mate. But there is something worse than Valentine’s Day in America.

They have Valentine’s Day in Thailand.

This is wrong on so many levels that it’s hard to know where to begin. For starters, they don’t have Hallmark here. They also don’t have Catholicism, which means no saints, which means no St. Valentine, after whom this whole circus is allegedly named. Yet every stall on Khao San road is festooned with pinkness, and the Pizza Hut in Siam Square is actually serving heart-shaped pizza. Every restaurant in a 10 mile radius, in fact, has got some kind of V-Day promotion happening. It’s enough to make me unsure whether to laugh, cry, or vomit.

So go off and hug your Valentine, or curl up in a ball and cry, or glare at the smug couples – whatever your preferred method of celebration may be. I’ll be here amongst the millions of already unbearably cute Thai people, now even more unbearably cute as they gaze into one another’s eyes.

On second thought, maybe I’ll stay in tonight.