Bad food is pretty easy to come by these days – on every second corner there’s a fast food chain or a Kebab shop selling something the colour and/or texture of which can’t be found in nature. It’s pervasive, but it’s mediocre. And mediocrity is boring, people.
What I find really impressive is food that is superlatively bad in some way – flagrantly stinky with no attendant taste, for instance. Or, more to the point, today’s lunch.
Purchased at the office canteen (yes, yes, I should know better, but obviously I don’t), it consisted of a few industrial spoonfuls of macaroni and cheese, and a handful of sad-looking leaves of red lettuce. The lettuce was fine – inoffensive and still somewhat crisp, if unnervingly warm. It’s the macaroni that I wish to discuss. It looked tasty and comforting – with nice brown bubbly cheese melted on the top and appealing looking specs of what appeared to be some sort of seasoning. And based on the texture, it contains a truly dangerous amount of cheese and possibly cream – I can actually feel my arteries hardening while I eat it. And yet it has no flavour at all. None. It’s not that it’s underseasoned, or too sweet or needs a pinch of salt. It’s that it tastes of exactly nothing. It tastes like it’s got texture and that’s about it. Which I find remarkable – commendable even. Heart attack on a plate, but stealthily.
That is all.