it could be worse

All you managers out there, business owners, and people with incompetent staff and co-workers: it could be worse. You could be these guys [scroll down to the requirements section].

A priceless excerpt:

We are really not interested in hearing that you need another 2 weeks to complete our 2 week project because: your mother died three times in a year (unless you really do have three mothers — and next time we hear that, we’ll ask for proof!); your unexpected house closing prevents you from working (the closing is NEVER THAT unexpected, we’ve bought houses); you have to go to a wedding at the last minute in another state; you suddenly have to move out of the area; you have unexpected friends from out of town that you need to socialize with; you forgot the deadline and thought you said 20 weeks for the project instead of 2 weeks; you did too many drugs in the 70s/80s/90s and can’t think straight anymore; you thought the deadline was just made up to make you work harder; you had ‘top secret’ classification in the military and they erased your memory when you got out and you can’t remember everything you used to be able to; you hired your buddy to do part of the work and he let you down and didn’t do it; you found out you’re losing another job and feel depressed about it so you can’t work; your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t like you working so much and needs to hold your hand while you watch TV for four hours a day so you can’t meet the deadline; your pet tarantula died and you’re too depressed to work; you’re hung over; your sister’s mother’s aunt’s niece’s daughter got picked up by the cops and you need to disappear for 2 weeks; your internet connection died but you’re still able to send ridiculously long emails explaining what happened — you’re just not able to do any work for the next week; you can’t connect to the database anymore because the hosting company upgraded to a different version and you don’t want to download the trial version upgrade because big brother could be watching you; your laptop crashed and even though you have 6 other machines on hand, you’d prefer to rebuild your laptop for the next month than to do the work that we’re paying you for; you forgot that your friends were going to have 3 beach picnics and 4 parties when you said you’d do the work and you completely forgot your aunt’s 61st birthday, your best buddy’s kegger and your husband/wife’s family reunion picnic, and you’d prefer to attend those than get the work done.) etc., etc., etc.

So, yeah. Look on the bright side.

One Comment

  1. Just because I love you wheeeeeeeeeeze! Some lyrics. You know the tune:

    Oh, say! Let us fly, dear
    Where, kid?
    To the sky dear
    Oh, you flying machine!
    Jump in Miss Josephine
    Ship Ahoy!
    Oh, joy! What a feeling
    Feels cold, thru the ceiling. Ho, high!
    Hoopla, we fly! To the sky so high
    Come Josephine, in my flying machine
    Going up, she goes! Up she goes!
    Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
    In the air she goes; there she goes!
    Up, up, a little bit higher.
    Oh, my! The moon is on fire.
    Come, Josephine in my flying machine
    Going up, all on, “Goodbye”

    (Repeat Chorus)

    One, two, now we’re off, dear.
    Oh, you, pretty soft, dear.
    Whoa! Say! Don’t hit the moon.
    Oh, no, not yet but soon. You for me,
    Oh, gee! You’re a fly kid.
    Not me, I’m a sky kid.
    Gee! I’m up in the air about you for fair

    (Repeat Chorus)

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